If you’re still learning how to breathe, you are in good company—and that company is me. Not to brag, but I have been breathing for my entire life. That doesn’t mean I’ve been doing it well. When I tune into my breathing patterns throughout the day, I am often startled to find that I am not breathing at all, holding air in my chest as if in anticipation of some stress-inducing event. This is true whether I’m working on my laptop, making tea, walking outside, or relaxing on the couch. And it’s not great.

Recently, during a round of purposeful deep breathing, I noticed that my capacity for deep exhalations was pretty much nonexistent. I would drink in a refreshing swirl of air, hold it, then huff it out at a half count. So the next time, I purposefully switched my focus from the quality of my inhalations to the fullness and length of my exhalations.

It took a few mindful rounds of breathing over a few days, but soon breathing out became easier and more enjoyable. I quickly began to notice that these deep breathing sessions were calming me way more quickly and effectively than they had in the past.

There’s science behind this. Research shows that lengthening the exhalation increases activity in the parasympathetic nervous system, signaling safety and reducing symptoms of anxiety. This tracks. If I, a generally comfortable woman in a generally comfortable life, have a challenging time convincing my body the world is okay enough for a slow exhalation, then taking a deep breath out must have both required and signaled total and complete safety for ancient humans.

“Take a deep breath” is a simple, common, and instructive phrase. But it only reminds you to breathe in. So you inhale deeply, taking in oxygen and revitalizing your body and, in turn, your spirit.

So, what happens when you release your breath with just as much intention? The answer, at least for me, is that the entire world becomes a more relaxing place. Now when I find myself fidgeting, or ruminating, or generally feeling meh, I release some big breaths.

Change your language, change your life.