In the history of sportswriting, there has never been a funnier line written than the one that appeared, at least for a third time, this week:

“Giancarlo Stanton has been given the go-ahead to resume running.”

Hysterical. How can a sloth resume running?

If Stanton had chosen to run even moderately hard to first base rather than jog, he wouldn’t have been self-victimized by delayed starts to second base, where his awkward, unschooled slides left him both tagged out and disabled for months.